A Little History

Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself.  I just turned 32, I live at home with my parents, I'm currently unemployed, and I'm bipolar.  Life has not always been easy, and there have been times that I've wondered if it's all worth it.  But I'm hoping that this blog will give me the outlet that I need for my twisted, tangled thoughts, and maybe even help someone else...if only by raising awareness of an illness that is so often misunderstood.  I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in January of 1999; I was just shy of my 19th birthday.

The diagnosis came after an inpatient hospital stay following my first and only suicide attempt.  Up to that point I was undergoing treatment for unipolar depression.  Even though my diagnosis made sense of many things in my short life, I didn't truly accept my diagnosis until years later when I took abnormal psychology in college.  There have been times in the years since my diagnosis that I have been compliant with my medications...and there have been times when I haven't.  I live in a constant state of wariness, wondering when my next episode will strike, second-guessing everything I feel, incessantly analyzing every thought and action.

Luckily I, unlike many, have a wonderful support system.  My family and close friends are the reason I am still here today.  My mother is my rock, and my biggest cheerleader.  My sister is the one I can always count on to call me on my bs, when I'm faking what I'm feeling.  My boyfriend Kenny...what can I say?  He is nothing but understanding and supportive.


Let me go off on a tangent here and explain that I am also a cutter.  This is another problem that is so often hidden...overlooked.  I started in junior high and have done it off and on since then.  I am proud to say that as of December I have gone a full year without harming myself.  Try having that conversation with a new boyfriend!  Try explaining the scars to a virtual stranger when they ask about them.  It's hard enough to come clean with people you've known your whole life.


As I embark upon this journey of self reflection, I welcome comments and questions.  My goal is to share what I have gone through, am going through, and will go through.  I am hoping that by blogging about my experiences it will bring about self-awareness, and understanding to those that read my posts.