THE TEARS NOT CRIED
More agonizing that the terrors of life
Are the tears not cried
More dangerous than a sword or knife
Is the pain that's kept inside
More saddening than the woes of death
Are the tears not cried
More hurtful than each struggled breath
Is the pain I keep inside
Why is it that we so often suffer in silence? Do we believe that others would judge us harshly for the pain we feel, or is it that we believe others can't possibly understand what we are going through? I know for me, it has always been about not wanting to put others in distress. It's bad enough that I feel depressed and oft times suicidal...it would only make me feel worse to see everyone's concern and pain that results from sharing such torment. And so, when I feel my worst I paint a smile on my face and suffer alone. But the funny thing is, if I do that long enough I start to feel better. Whereas if I gave in and let myself wallow in my pain, I would continue to spiral downward. So it is that I keep pushing through, pretending everything's okay...until it once again is. By now I should be used to this cycle. My ups are almost always followed by a down, and I often have mixed episodes, which are a whole other conversation. The gist of it is I have people in my life that would love to help....if I'd only let them.
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